SPEAKER SAVVY -- Weaker Sex? Stronger Speakers!

What makes women so successful as professional speakers? I've never been a big fan of "junk science," but there's an interesting new study featured in a book by a French psychiatrist named Dr. Luan Brizendine that shows women speak 20,000 words per day on average, while men speak only 7,000 words per day.

Her book, "The Female Mind," seeks to differentiate the thought processes between women and men (and possibly to prove that the female mind is superior.) While you might disagree with her conclusions, you can't deny that women dominate the world of professional speaking.

Consider this:

• Most presentation trainers in the world are women.
• Most media trainers in the world are women.
• The most highly paid speaker in the world is a woman.

My very UN-scientific theory is that women are much more comfortable with the concept of public speaking because they're wired to be much more emotionally expressive--something I believe is the single most important factor in successful communication. (Check out my web site, www.MARKtalks.com, to find out how you can "Act Like A Winner, Talk Like A Pro"...and discover the secret to powerful presentations!)

Men can't even hug without slapping the stuffing out of each other...no wonder guys struggle with public speaking. Little girls put on performances all the time--my 6-year-old daughter not only has her own cabaret act during bathtime, she also takes questions from her "audience!" Is there any doubt she'll be more likely to be a successful public speaker than any of the boys in her class?

LIVING SAVVY -- Nobody's Role Model

My 6-year-old daughter wants to be Lindsay Lohan someday. Let's hope it's the talented actress from her Disney days and not the trashy party girl that's quickly becoming a popular party joke.

Lindsay's latest misstep--an incoherent, uneducated attempt to honor the late Robert Altman (who had recently directed Lohan in A Prairie Home Companion) in a condolence letter to his family:

"I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career. He was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years... He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do."

"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) - everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on. - altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come."

"Be adequite. Lindsay Lohan."

Not the greatest endorsement for a Hollywood education. And certainly not the kind of role model I'd want for my little girl, especially one that urges everyone to be merely "adequite." But it is a serious lesson in hubris (not to mention spellchecking.)

LEADERSHIP -- Creating True Believers

Does it seem that everyone you know or work with is changing jobs or careers lately? It shouldn't surprise you...the National Employee Benchmarking Study has found that 80% of all U.S. workers do not plan to be with their current employers in 2 years. And here's where the problem lies--most exiting employees cite leadership deficiency as one of their primary reasons for going elsewhere.

"Leadership deficiency." What does that mean? It means that companies aren't giving their employees a compelling enough reason to stay. It means CEO's are more concerned with the stockholders than the stock boys. It means that the majority of the modern workforce wants something more than a good salary and a nice benefits package. They want leaders with heart. They crave something to believe in.

You need only to look at the most successful coaches to see how it's possible to create a team of true believers. Wooden, Lombardi, Schembechler, Lasorda--their legacies have lasted long after the X's and O's were wiped off the chalkboard. Because they cared. And their teams knew it.

Andrew Razeghi, author of "Hope: How Triumphant Leaders Create the Future" says, "Triumphant leaders engage not only the heads but also the hearts of those who look to them for leadership. Create a culture of believers, and you will create an organization more resilient, more courageous, and more ably equipped to manage through ambiguity, around fear, and into the future.”

One of the best measures of leadership effectiveness is something I call the "elevator test"--when it comes to your team, are you lifting them up or taking them down? And which direction is your business headed?

MEDIA SAVVY -- Act Like A Winner, Talk Like A Pro

The hardest thing for most business leaders to do is to talk in front of a large group of people (even worse, in front of a camera.) Why? I think it's because they're "on stage" for maybe the first time in their lives and the experience puts them well outside their comfort zone.

I've been a professional actor and director for more than 20 years--and a professional speaker longer than that--and the things that make me successful on stage can help make anyone "act like a winner and talk like a pro."

You've heard the actor's cliche--"What's my motivation?" Well, that's the first thing you should consider before you even write one word of your speech or plan one interview response. Go through this checklist: Why am I doing this and what do I hope to accomplish? What's the best way to get the results I want? How do I want this event to affect my audience? (There are two other things an actor uses to get the best performance--if you'd like more information, contact me at mark@marktalks.com or check out my website at MARKtalks.com!)

Once you figure out your "motivation," it's much easier to decide what to say and, more importantly, how to say it. An actor prepares diligently for each role. Your role is just as important to your audience. If you want to talk like a pro, you have to "act" like a winner.

LIVING SAVVY -- Thankful Things

I hope this won't be the typical Thanksgiving Day post where the author goes on ad nauseum about the things he or she is thankful for. Frankly, if you're truly thankful, every day is filled with reasons to feel blessed. And that's a list too long for anyone to read.

What I'd rather do today is to put some perspective on the things you should be thankful for. (Let me put it another way, if the things you're thankful for are THINGS, then you really should think about your priorities.)

Here's a list of thankful things you might consider today. People. Family, friends, and the occasional strangers who help shape your future in tiny, yet powerful ways. Events that really matter--and not just the good ones. Be thankful for the obstacles that force you to try harder. For the times of weakness that lead you to ask for help and support. For the pain and suffering and loss that make you appreciate your daily blessings all the more.

Most of all, be thankful for the moments that have led you to thirst after righteousness, to have compassion for others, and to seek what is good and pure and true.

A real thanksgiving is not so much about you as it is about everything around you. So be thankful and be blessed.

SPEAKER SAVVY -- Handling Hecklers

If you've seen or heard Michael Richard's appalling racial rant at a comedy club recently, you might wonder how his embarrassment might apply to you. After all, you're just a simple businessperson who wouldn't dream of trying stand-up comedy. You'll never have to worry about hecklers.

Wrong. Every time you appear on a public stage, whether it's at a convention, a shareholders' meeting, or a television interview, there's the potential for confrontation. You still need to be prepared.

I worked as a comedian for several years to help supplement my acting career, and I found that most comics--not Kramer, of course--but most comics love hecklers because they can be turned into comedy gold. I once filled an entire 20-minute set by deftly mocking and comforting a guy who was obviously trying to impress his buddies.

Don't try this at home. Or at work. It's better to diffuse the situation and handle the heckler with style and grace. Here's the secret behind the success most comedians have with unruly audience members--Mark's First Law of Captivating Communication:

He who holds the mike owns the room.

Once you realize the power that you hold in your hand, you can act like a benevolent dictator, ruling over your subjects with an iron fist in a velvet glove. That microphone gives you the ability to control everything that happens inside the venue. Especially heckers. But remember, never try to continue over the disruption with your prepared remarks--everyone is watching the troublemaker, anyway.

Don't get angry. Smile and act classy. Use humor to get the audience on your side. If that doesn't work, then stop what you're doing and politely ask them to stop. Don’t hang up or walk off--calmly ask someone else from the venue to move the heckler outside where management or security can deal with it.

You may never have to handle a heckler...but it's always good to know you can.

LEADERSHIP -- Killing Cockroaches

I am truly blessed having a next-door-neighbor who is also my pastor. (He loves it when I stop over to ask if I can borrow a cup of grace...) He's also a big fan of Tony Morgan, a pastor at Granger Community Church in suburban South Bend, Indiana and one of the top thinkers on the role of leadership in the church. Here's a recent post my neighbor sent me:

I was sitting around the breakfast table with a bunch of guys this morning and was reminded of an incident that took place at a former job. This was before ministry. I was a city manager--kind of like the CEO of a business. I was responsible for leading an organization with a $20 million budget and 150 employees. I was the man. I wore a suit. Everyday.

One day I was working at my desk, and I heard a woman scream from the other side of the office building. Just a few seconds later, the screaming woman ran into my office. She explained that she needed help. She had found a cockroach in her office. And, for whatever reason, she thought this was a problem for the "CEO." Remember, I was the guy who wore a suit. Everyday.

I'm not sure why I did it, but I slowly pushed my chair away from the desk. Stood up. Walked down the hall. Entered the screaming woman's office, and proceeded to kill the cockroach. I was wearing my suit, which, of course, I wore...everyday.

It's been about eight years since that incident. I don't wear suits anymore, but there are still days when I come home a little mopey. I guess the frustration is all over my face. Emily will take one look at me and ask, "Did you have to kill cockroaches today?"

I've grown wiser though. I've learned there are things I can do to avoid getting stuck killing cockroaches. It's my responsibility to move beyond just reacting to what's urgent. It includes things like:
--Blocking time out in my schedule--actually setting appointments with myself--to dream and plan and work on the big-picture projects.
--Empowering other competent leaders. Giving them significant ministry responsibilities and authority rather than just delegating tasks.
--Identifying my strengths. Positioning myself so I'm operating out of my strengths. And, finding others who are different than me to manage around my weaknesses.
--Hiring an assistant who's not a secretary but a leader and a project manager.
--Surrounding myself with problem-solvers rather than problem-messengers.

I could go on and on, but the point here is I'm typically the problem when my day is filled with killing cockroaches. It's easy to blame the screaming person who runs into my office, but often times I'm the one that has allowed and sometimes created those urgent demands.

So, the moral of the story is this: you get to decide where your time goes. You can spend it moving forward. Or, you can spend it putting out fires. You get to decide. If you don't decide, others will decide for you. Then you, too, will be stuck reacting to the urgent. You may not be wearing a suit, but you'll be killing cockroaches. Everyday.

LIVING SAVVY -- From The Mouths Of Babes

I'm nothing if not positive--positive that I'm going to succeed, positive in my walk and talk, a positive attitude 24/7. (Check out the subject of my soon-to-be-released first book, The Power of Positive Speaking, and find out how I can help you help others at MARKtalks.com!)

The impact of my perpetual positivity has rubbed off on my family--in fact, my 10-year-old son, Drew, surprised me the other day by telling me he had done some research on the Internet and found more inspirational quotes to add to my website. What really caught me off guard, among the words of Robert Schulller and Albert Einstein, was a quotation from one Andrew T. Standriff that read:
"Being positive is one of the most contagious things in the world. The best thing is that it's good to spread it."

My little philosopher. It's going up on my "Positively Yours" section right away. And I can't help but wonder how many people you might inspire every day, one kind word at a time.

LEADERSHIP -- Talent Isn't Enough

Who are you recruiting to be your next superstar? A corporate hotshot with lots of success but lots of attitude, too? Or a dedicated insider with plenty of upside if you're willing to put the time into development? Before you make your pick, consider these quotes from the NFL today:

Maybe (I'm dropping passes) because I'm unhappy. Maybe because I'm not too much excited about what's going on, so my concentration and focus level tends to go down sometimes and I'm in a bad mood. All I can say is you put me in a good situation and make me a happy man, and you'll get good results. -- Randy Moss, former All-Pro Wide Receiver, Oakland Raiders

I missed Joey (Galloway) on the first series of the game. I just over threw him. He was wide open, so I’ve got to take a look at that. Sometimes I just have to try not to do too much and just go out there and play. I just have to learn from it, get better and make those plays. -- Bruce Gradkowski, rookie quarterback, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Listen closely to the conversations around your office. Do either of these sound familiar? Which guy would you want on your team--a proven talent with a bad attitude or a 6th-round draft pick who isn't afraid to admit mistakes as he learns to succeed?

Talent isn't enough. You can have the fastest feet and the best hands...but if nobody wants to throw you the ball, you're useless.

SPEAKER SAVVY -- The Wizard of "Ahs"

My hometown newspaper had an article on like, ah, all those, um, you know, bad speech habits. It's an interesting look at the annoying idiosyncrasies most speakers have, even during a prepared presentation. (Admission: my big problem is finishing a punch line or talking point with the word "so..." as in, "The 49ers have announced they're planning to move to a city that doesn't already have a pro football team--which means they could move to Oakland, so...")

I didn't know about my bad speech habit until one of my radio listeners mentioned to me. And that's the point of the article--it's good to have an outside observer really go over your speech with a fine tooth comb. Toastmasters use an "AH Master." Back in my high school public speaking class, Father Mott called it "The Wizard" (as in "The Wizard of Ah's".)

Whatever term you use, think about getting an accountability partner who'll gently remind you of all the ahs, ums, you knows,and likes to help keep your speaking content clean. (So...)

LEADERSHIP -- Is It Cheating If It's Within The Rules?

Leaders are always looking for an edge. Competition brings out gamesmanship and sometimes, the boss finds a loophole that gives your team a big advantage. think about that while you're reading about this story from USA Today that happened at last weekend's Wisconsin-Penn State game:

Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema isn't a fan of college football's new speed-up-the-game rule that mandates the clock starts when a ball is kicked off rather than when it's received. But if Bielema can use the rule to his team's advantage, he will, and that's just what he did Saturday against Penn State.

With Wisconsin having just gone ahead 10-3, Bielema, 36, twice had his team intentionally go offside on kickoffs in the last 23 seconds of the first half, minimizing Penn State's chances to score. The two penalized kicks took 19 seconds off the clock and left Penn State coach Joe Paterno, 79, livid and complaining to officials.

Wisconsin athletics director and former coach Barry Alvarez said Monday that a discussion he had with Big Ten game officials during the summer helped devise the strategy.

"We had a scrimmage which was worked by a crew of Big Ten officials, and I was visiting with them and discussing how the new rule could change the game," Alvarez said. "They gave me that specific instance, so I mentioned it to Bret and the staff. I haven't been game-planning, but they have, and it makes sense to do it."

Bielema, whose team won 13-3, said Monday that while he doesn't necessarily agree with the rule, "I knew the rule and wanted to maximize it. ... It worked exactly as we envisioned it. It's something we practice. My guess is, with the attention we've received, there may be an (amendment)."

Brilliant. Wisconsin was able to hold onto victory by recognizing potential strength within a weakness in the rules. Great leaders do that--so where are the loopholes in your industry that might lead your team to victory one day?

MEDIA SAVVY -- Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Why does it take people so long to say they're sorry? John Kerry joins a long list of well-known (and probably well-intentioned) names who can't seem to swallow their pride and make a simple apology.

Forget the politics, forget trying to explain what you were trying to say--you always make matters worse if you wait. Or, as in this case, you try to soften the blow by saying "I'm sorry you misunderstood" or "I apologize if I've offended anyone." That's not saying you're sorry...that's saying that anyone who was hurt by your statement is either dense or thin-skinned.

There are actual theories about the use of apology, by Kenneth Burke and Ware and Linkuegel, that list a number of rhetorical options ranging from denial to transcendence. That's fine when you're giving a Socratic reposnse to specific charges. But 21st century politics and 24-hour media cycles have changed the rules. There's talk radio and faux cable news anchors and bloggers to keep the pressure on. Today, transcendence fails, transparency perserveres.

As a media consultant, I advise my clients to face the press immediately when it becomes clear that something they said has caused a kerfuffle. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry." There. Pretty simple. It shows respect and humility--things we all could use a little more of.

SPEAKER SAVVY -- Talk Like You Mean It

I just spent a half-hour interviewing one of my favorite author/speakers, Mark Sanborn, who has a great new book out called You Don't Need A Title To Be A Leader. He's also a past president of the National Speakers Association, so I took the liberty to ask him for the advice he gives to people who want to become professional speakers.

Mark told me the biggest mistake would-be speakers make is to work up some clever topics or catchy titles, when they should figure out what they're passionate about first. Figure out what your message is...then start writing.

Once you decide what your message is, Mark Sanborn then says it's just as important to identify who will pay you to talk about your subject. You might be passionate about being a pet owner, but there aren't many groups who will make it profitable for you to speak about it professionally.

Your marketing and networking will be much more successful if you take care of those first two things. Message, market, money, in that order. (If you're ready to make a serious move into the world of professional speaking, I can help. Email me at mark@marktalks.com.)

LIVING SAVVY -- A Lesson For Everyone

Scott Adams, the creator of the popular "Dilbert" comic strip, revealed an amazing story last week--and provided a compelling lesson for everyone to use in his or her own way.

Scott lost his voice 18 months ago. It's a rare disorder called spasmodic dysphonia, where the part of your brain that controls speech just shuts down. Permanently. There's no cure, but there are options (because, apparently, people with this disorder can sing but they can't talk.)

Rather than give up, Scott tried a number of new tricks to reprogram his brain and regain his speaking voice. He tried daily affirmations. He used self hypnosis and voice therapy exercises. He tried speaking in different pitches and foreign accents. For 18 months, Scott worked on a "cure" until one day, he spoke.

He was helping out on a homework assignment when he realized that he could speak perfectly when rhyming. He repeated the rhyme over and over, remapping his brain, until his speaking voice returned. Not 100% but close enough for celebration.

What an amazing story! Here's a lesson for everyone who encounters obstacles, big and small. What have you done to overcome adversity--and how far are you willing to go when others tell you there's no hope?

LEADERSHIP -- Mentor or Coach?

Many of my clients have been asking whether they need a mentor or a coach. My answer is...BOTH!

There's a big difference between a mentor and a coach, but each one is invaluable to your growth as a leader and your success as a person. A mentor is an experienced leader in your field who can show you the ropes as well as offer you his wisdom. A coach won't try to tell you how to handle things--he'll ask you the right questions so that you'll discover the answers for yourself.

It's like being in a Broadway musical where the choreographer shows you the moves while the director asks you what you think about your character's motivation. Both roles are necessary for a successful production, and neither should intrude on the other's territory.

Make sure your mentor and coach are in place before your curtain comes up!

LIVING SAVVY -- A Little Failure Never Hurt Anyone

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. -- Robert F. Kennedy
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. -- Winston Churchill

I'm always interested in observing how people handle setbacks. My son, Drew (the 10-year-old Mad Scientist) is such a perfectionist that if something in one of his projects doesn't turn out right, he throws everything down and walks away. For about a day. But then he invariably picks up the project with renewed enthusiasm and, more importantly, a better sense of how to succeed.

That's the key. Maybe kids get it instinctually and only lose that persistence after years of failure without perspective. Here's something I once read in the Wall Street Journal that provides that encouragement everyone needs:
"You've failed many times although you may not remember. You fell the first time you tried to walk, didn't you? You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim. Did you hit the ball the first time you swung the bat? Heavy hitters, the ones who hit the most home runs, also struck out a lot. Babe Ruth struck out 1330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs.R. H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York caught on. English novelist John Cracey got 753 rejection slips before he published 564 books. Don't worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try."

A life with little failure is a life with little risk. We were designed to take chances--it's when we start accepting the results that we really fail.

SPEAKER SAVVY -- The Lost Art of Interpersonal Communcation

I'm disturbed about a story I read in Forbes over the weekend that shows a trend among younger employees to rely on email and text messaging to communicate not only with co-worker...but with older bosses, who can't understand why their young recruits, for all their brains and technical skill, hardly ever come over and actually talk to them.

We're running into a critical time in the business world where the next generation of leaders might not have a clue how to interact face-to-face, a skill that most experts will tell you is a key to success. Here's an example from the Forbes article:

"Ruth Sherman, a communications consultant says common complaints about younger workers range from lame handshakes and poor conversational skills to super-casual attire and personal use of company e-mail. Some show up at job interviews in tee shirts. What the Gen Yers don't see, she says, is the meaning and value of gestures and other nonverbal skills that don't come through in a text message."

Advice to the under-30 people who aspire to management--want to get a huge leg up on your competition? Learn how to handle in-person interaction. Understand that there's a difference between chatting with your buddies and talking to the CEO. Use complete sentences in your written correspondance and remember that Googling doesn't necessarily qualify as research.

Otherwise, you're going to spend most of your career stuck in a cubicle. With a serious case of Blackberry Thumb.

MEDIA SAVVY -- There IS Such A Thing As Bad Publicity...

...when it comes to ballot measures that require lots of positive opinion to pass. Take notes, because here's a classic example of how not to handle a PR campaign.

Here in Sacramento, the big measures on the ballot this November are designed to set up a temporary sales tax to raise money to build a new downtown arena for our NBA team, the Kings. The campaign has had several setbacks, from a lack of communication between the owners, Gavin and Joe Maloof, and city leaders, not to mention brownfield cleanup issues and a general perception that the Maloofs are wealthy enough to pay for their own arena.

Needless to say, tongues were wagging yesterday when a new nationwide TV ad for Carl's Jr. debuted, featuring the Maloof brothers chowing down on hamburgers at the family's Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas. "Net worth: $1 billion," flashes on the screen. The brothers wash down the burgers with a bottle of 24-year-old French bordeaux, poured by a woman in a slinky dress. The ad closes with: "The Carl's Jr. $6,000 combo meal, exclusively at the Palms."

This is a serious lack of judgement by the Maloofs. Why take part in a high-profile TV commercial flaunting your affluence so close to an election that asks voters to fund a $600 million arena and entertainment complex for you? What, they couldn't have waited three weeks?!?

When you're trying to influence public opinion, you need all the positive mojo you can create. In the case of Gavin and Joe Maloof, they just blew a layup at the end of the 4th quarter.

LEADERSHIP -- That's What Friends Are For

Today is "National Boss Day," so I thought I'd toss out a little out-of-the-box question for your management types out there. Is it OK for the boss to be a buddy, too?

You've heard the warnings before--"Maintain a professional distance so friendship doesn't cloud your judgment." Which sounds good in theory...but too many managers take it to the extreme, and studies show that most people think their boss is the person they'd least like to spend time with. So is there a happy medium?

Yes. John Maxwell says it best: "The best leaders are the ones who forge personal ties with their team and interact with each member in light of their specific preferences and desires. Employees respond to the care they receive from a boss. When treated with human dignity and kindness they gain energy and positive emotion, but when treated like a pawn of corporate production, worker motivation nosedives."*

Great leaders know how to create friendship and respect within their organizations. Which means you can step out with your employees without stepping over the line.

*This excerpt is used by permission from Dr. John C. Maxwell's free monthly e-newsletter 'Leadership Wired' available at www.maximumimpact.com.

SPEAKER SAVVY--Preparing For The Big One

My wife was asked last month to give a speech at an important women's retreat in November, and at the risk of sounding like a proud hubby, I know she's going to make a dynamic presentation. So why is she going to succeed when most people fail.

First, most people who are asked to give a big speech put off working on it right away. They rationalize that they've given speeches before and done OK so they figure they'll just wing it. My wife is a naturally gifted speaker, but she knows how much work it takes, so she started preparing months out.

Second, most business people write a speech based on a specific topic--my wife is crafting a speech based on her audience. She's interviewed a number of the people involved in this retreat and will have a personalized presentation that will make the audience feel much more involved.

Finally, while the majority of speakers run through their talks just enough times to have the main points memorized, Sally has talked through her speech a number of times with all kinds of people and is now polishing it to perfection. (She's heard me say a thousand times, "Practice doesn't make perfect--PERFECT PRACTICE makes perfect!")

My wife is going to be a big hit because she's not taking her presentation or her audience for granted. Take a tip from my blushing bride--mastering these performance basics will give you a solid speaking base to build on for the rest of your career.